Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh.
I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the bright side of life. Let the bright side of life find you.
You're only 21, for christ's sake. "Look back on my shitty past?" Dude, you don't even have a past yet. Go do stuff and enough with wallowing in your self-pity. You don't know how utterly ridiculous it sounds for a 21-year old studying python at university to be complaining that he's failed at life.
Edit: Another point, about your "shitty past". No one other than you gives a damn about you or it (especially at 21). Realise that and stop using it as some kind of lame excuse to not talk to people.
"The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the bright side of life. Let the bright side of life find you."
The whole "snap out of it" attitude is horrible advice and isn't helping anyone in major depression. You have no idea about any other details and problems the person may have and why they feel as if they are not up to their potential. Seeing a therapist can be one of the best things to happen.
I hate to "Appeal to Authority," so instead of questioning your qualification to state that this is exactly the type of advice this kid needs, I'll simply ask:
What is the basis for your claim that "likely this is exactly the type of advice this kid needs"?
He is Indian, and therefore probably comes from a very close knit circle that has been largely controlled by people other than himself, and thus, doesn't see himself as the man he really is; and therein lies the 'problem.'
Your argument works from extremely scant evidence and weaves in generalizations. Given how little we have to go on, you may have done an excellent job guessing the most likely circumstances for him. However, it is unnecessary to guess at his circumstances, since a professional could simply ask him. Also, you go from a guess as to his circumstances to a diagnosis of his problem.
I don't see the connection, and even if there was a clearly articulated connection, it would again be guesswork. Unnecessary again since a professional could simply ask him the right questions and diagnose rather than make the best guess given insufficient evidence to have confidence in the answer.
I'm sure you can guess what I have to say about the right therapy for him. It is not necessary to prescribe a "likely" course of action based on a diagnosis based on scant evidence. Even if your chain of reasoning follows the most likely path from evidence to prescriptive, there is no need to work at low levels of confidence.
... I said 'likely.' And the guy is looking for help from hackers, not from a therapist. I have access only to what he said. If as a hacker you think he should see a professional, say so.
I think I am probably right, and if I am not, I am not ashamed at all. I am not a therapist, I am not in a therapists office, I am not pretending ot be a therapist, and I doubt this kid needs a therapist.
I think you overestimate the importance of giving 'accurate' advice as if I, or who i was commenting on, were his therapist. However, we are not, you are not, and the kid is probably just needing to grow a pair, find his voice, and realize he doesn't have to do the things that other people think he should do.
I would suggest being careful with this kind of response. It's the kind of thing you can tell a close friend face-to-face and it might be just the kick-in-the-pants they need to get them going again.
But saying it to some completely anonymous person on the Internet may be more likely to backfire than to help in the manner you intend.
There are also potential cultural differences to keep in mind as well. Brits and Americans may be more likely to respond positively to 'tough love' than Indians or others.
Personally, when I was 21 and bummed I didn't have a girlfriend, I would have appreciated someone, anyone, telling me to MTFU and get out into the real world rather than sit in my room and whine about it on a forum.
While I appreciate that there's a chance that the OP does have a serious case of depression, I feel that it's a lot more likely that he just needs to get out there and enjoy himself. In either case, there are plenty of replies here catering to that possibility, so I don't think this reply is out of place here.
I agree, when I was 19 and left my web dev degree with no real plan other than knowing that Uni wasn't for me I wallowed for a long time and ended up with some really crazy thought cycles from keeping myself isolated.
The best thing my family could have done which is what my Mother did which was to tell me it was time I was paying rent and I had to get a job. Of course, once I had a job she never asked for rent as that was never her intention. And once I had a job, I realised that the thing I was doing was not my future which drove me to get on with stuff I liked. 18 months later I was in charge of the web dev graduates at the agency I worked at.
Now if only elitism caused depression, so people like you would understand just how much it destroys one's life -- its not called a disease for nothing.
Seriously, its people like the above who kept me from becoming a nerd because so many nerds struck me as insensitive, self-absorbed a-holes.
Now go back to Slashdot with the rest of the elitist jerkoffs. Or better yet, I really hope you suffer some horrible tragedy so you get a clue what this guy is going through (or just go listen to Tool's hooker with a penis and remember the guy maynard's talking about is You).
To the OP:
Treat depression like any other scientific problem: There are drugs that will help -- i.e. 5-htp, st. john's wort, for supplements -- for prescription -- Tianeptine (avoid SSRIs like the plague).
Moderation and research is The key when using any drugs.
As much as the above guy was a jerkoff in terms of how he said it, he's partially right -- there are 3 different ways of dealing with depression:
1: (recommended) - Do your research, find tools - whether drugs (in moderation), meditiation, exercise, etc. and work (with patience!) on working through your depression.
2: Depend on friends, family
3: Get professional help
Also -- don't worry about being too nice a guy -- i.e. it took me a long time to realize its one of those things that people say in terms of "Do as I say, not as I do" -- I mean, don't become like the guy above, but also don't let people push you around or make you feel worthless -- as in the case of the poster above being a jerk, its probably just insecurity on their part.
One more thing, also partially in reply to the above -- in my experience, 21 and the few years proceeding it were the worst of my life (in my 30s now) -- so it can and will get better, just have patience and work through it.
Its taken me like 5 years to get my confidence slowly back, but it was the most productive 5 years of my life).
You're trying to help someone who lost his self-confidence by making him feel ridiculous. It can't work.
Advising someone lonely to "Go meet some people" is a bit like telling him to be happy. How do you do that? If he has trouble speaking to other people, a good start could be to talk to a psychologist or a priest or anyone whose job is to listen.
There are some things people arguing against professional help should try to understand: not every treatable and serious negative psychological condition is depression; you don't go to a doctor only if you have cancer; occasionally you can succesfully treat serious diseases without professional help - that doesn't make it a good idea.
So yes, maybe he'll just get over it and start living on his own, but if he wants to actually better his chances then he definitely should seek help. Good psychiatrists are definitely capable and willing to assess if he really needs help (and what kind of help).
It's hard to compare life to life but I was in a similar funk some years back and found going to a therapist very useful and uplifting. It wasn't a "psychotherapist" and I was never prescribed any drugs, but just being able to spill and self rationalize everything I was thinking verbally with a neutral party really turned my thought processes around. Therapy is rarely a solution, but it can be a great catalyst and a way to find out which direction to head off in.
I've also gone to counseling and thought it was great. Tough situations affect people and makes it hard to think rational. All the social stigma is pretty much bullshit. People need to swallow some of their irrational pride and focus on what's important i.e. getting better.
I agree 100% Stop being such a wuss and man up already. You are beginning your life and feel depressed? Get a grip. You're young, intelligent (or at least not stupid), fairly healthy and even went to college. You've got advantages that some people would literally kill for. And you're whining like a spoiled 10 yr old brat. Grow up.
You are being insensitive and unhelpful. Clinical depression is not caused by bad events or circumstances; it's a serious illness. He's not whining, and he's not a brat; he is having a real problem that requires real treatment.
I know some clinically depressed people. This post shows no signs of it.
All forms of metal illness and disfunction look the same?
C'mon people, this is the kind of post where if you don't have something positive to say, it is best to move on to the next submission. Even if you believe that "tough love" is called for, I doubt it works coming from strangers.
Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh.
I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the bright side of life. Let the bright side of life find you.
You're only 21, for christ's sake. "Look back on my shitty past?" Dude, you don't even have a past yet. Go do stuff and enough with wallowing in your self-pity. You don't know how utterly ridiculous it sounds for a 21-year old studying python at university to be complaining that he's failed at life.
Edit: Another point, about your "shitty past". No one other than you gives a damn about you or it (especially at 21). Realise that and stop using it as some kind of lame excuse to not talk to people.