I always thought the physical IA locations like the one in San Francisco should offer a kind of "internet cafe" setup so you can plug into an ethernet port and get gigabit+ downloads without going over the internet at all.

Yeah, IA downloads are notoriously slow. I happen to know because I downloaded archives of a defunct website from IA.

I almost can't express how happy this Phineas and Ferb reference makes me.

I don't know what that is

Note the -inators here: https://phineasandferb.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_Doofenshmirtz...