Could you please name a few of those hosted services? Because Squash seems currently to be written for Ruby specific apps, however PHP, Django, Nodejs apps could use such a service too.
Agreed - the PHP world seems really short of such tools, which either means a) they're there and I've missed them, b) no one in PHP-land is interested in writing them, or c) Integrating w PHP's core is much harder than other languages.
For example, NewRelic's PHP support is still not on a par with their Rails support...